Myth: Comparison isn’t the thief that steals joy

Fact: When you identify yourself by what you are not, then you rob yourself of inner peace


Have you ever heard the phrase: “Be the woman you needed when you were a young girl”? That phrase has bewildered me, utterly shocked me to the bone. I think about the darkest times I experienced when I was a young girl, and most of those morose phases were triggered by the simple act of comparing myself to another.


It’s an interesting concept, really, that we would constantly look outside ourselves for validation and guidance, when the true northern star is within us. As a young girl I looked to magazines, MTV, and other girls who caught the attention from the world at large. Soon, worries circled in my head like, What do they have that I don’t? Whatever they are doing...I need to do that. How, I wonder, did my little mind think that in order to be happy with myself I had to be someone else? Why did I feel I had to look different? Be different? Why did I feel like I couldn’t be just measly old me?


As a woman, I have finally found the northern star, but man, the journey was grueling to say the least. As a woman, I know that perfect is impossible. As a woman, I know that everything I am today is sufficient and beautiful. I know I am enough. No matter what I eat, do, say, or don’t say--I am enough. You are enough.

Be the woman you needed when you were younger.


Any girl or woman can be far from unearthing their northern star, and in a lot of ways, I don’t blame them. It’s extremely difficult to fight the psychological force field of social media. Our daily ritual of scrolling “The Gram” or stalking other people’s Facebook can be detrimental, as it has a tendency to dictate our worth and acceptability, unless! Unless, we have the capacity to maintain a larger perspective.


I feel as if I have a personal responsibility to remind you time and time again of this larger perspective. As women, we have the power to influence our younger generation of females, and that is why I am sharing what I am about to share with you.

Are you ready?


I. Love. Cheetos. And. I. Love.Beer.


There you have it. I am indeed not the health nut you may have thought I was. I love days when I can drink an IPA and order a bowl of chips and salsa. Better yet, two bowls of chips and salsa! Another thing you may have not guessed is that my house isn’t always clean! I sleep in numerous hotels throughout the month, scraping by on airport food, and trying to recover from a restless night where I worried about my clients. I have days where I am a walking wreck. Are you surprised?


Instagram wants you to think that all people do is travel to exotic places doing extravagant excursions, and all in a bikini that fits snuggly on a perfect, tight body. Airbrushing apps and filters misconstrue our vision of reality. Even those who don’t use airbrushing apps or filters only post a highlight reel of their life. Their pictures tell only the best moments. Despite the inevitable struggles we all face, no one posts about them. Let’s not forget that whatever happens behind the scenes of social media is still, in fact, real. We all have struggles. Even me.


Do you see me posting a picture of me stuffing my face with Cheetos? No. Do you see me take a video of the piles of dishes in my sink, because I have been too busy traveling in order to clean? No. I post the highlights of my life, but don’t ever forget beauties, no one is perfect. There are days I wish not to show the world, and I think that’s okay. We aren’t meant to share our life completely with everyone. Where is the fun in that? Some parts should remain intimate.

Again, be the woman you needed when you were younger.


I needed someone to tell me it was okay to eat Cheetos. I know young girls everywhere need a woman to tell them they are enough just as they are, and if they want a bag of damn Cheetos every now and then, then give ‘em a bag of damn Cheetos! No matter how hard young girls try to look exactly like the airbrushed superstar they admire so much, they won’t be happy. We know that. Younger girls of this generation need us to be their northern stars until they find their own sparkling star within themselves. I intend to guide them to the best of my ability. Do you?


If you’re lucky, you’ll understand that your True North is different than anyone else’s True North. And that’s the entire point.


Tell me, in one word, what will you be today for a younger woman in your world?

Shine on beauties.

Shine on.



Melissa Berg6 Comments